I have been sleeping poorly for the past two weeks, partly due to errands but mostly due to my haunting demons. Negative thoughts about my in-laws are currently keeping me awake. I should be waking up soon, looking forward to the US holiday, rather than laying in bed clutching my mobile phone to distract my mind while dreading what might happen to my husband at his family's 4th-of-July party held later today. (I am not attending as I am not in the mood to deal with their B.S. I also want to prevent a stress-induced asthma attack if when I get upset. Thankfully, my husband is understanding and supportive.)

I have deduced that my qualms revolve mainly around my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law, and typically other in-laws when the above two are somehow involved. I wish I felt healthy enough to give my mother-in-law a piece of my mind since she feels so inclined to viciously vent at my husband, then thinks everything must be better since she let loose her pent up emotions.

I will write more on this later when I can tame the firestorm in my head.

P.S. I haven't forgotten to reply to PMs and previous comments. Please give me time; I've had trouble formulating my muddy thoughts into tangible words.

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Something's tickling my shoulder. Thinking it's a stray hair, I go to brush it off. I jump when I see a quarter-sized (including legs) sand-colored spider -- its main body is the size of a pea -- slowly crawling across my skin. Was not expecting that!

Normally spiders don't scare me one bit, but the fact that I wasn't expecting to see anything but a loose hair from my head swaying in the wind as it lay attached to the minute textures of my skin, combined with the proximity of the moving arachnid near my face, was a bit unnerving.

As it lazily slinked from my shoulder to the couch cushion supporting my back, I did what any non-Dharma or arachnid/insect insensitive human would do: I squashed it between the folds of a napkin. It lays mangled and flattened, its flesh adhered to the paper, safely inside the kitchen wastebasket. Its demise was a direct result of its capacity to momentarily freak me out. I was cruel and merciless.

I have, of course, just jeopardized my karma and will not progress to the next level of reincarnation or rebirth. Oh wait, I don't practice Hindu or Buddhism, and I kill bugs all the time. No worries! ;)

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Lost Cat Found in Dearborn, MI (1)

My husband took the cat we found near our house on May 25th (well, it felt like the 24th to me as I had just come home from work) to the vet yesterday and learned some valuable information that may help us locate his owner. The local animal shelter misidentified his gender. The cat is not a non-spayed female, but a neutered male! This is great news as we might be able to find the veterinary clinic that performed the operation.

The following is the information that we have posted on pet finder websites and intend to mail to local veterinary clinics. We must also correct the information on all the fliers we posted in our neighborhood. Please visit my Flickr account for details and notes on each photo.

Striped tabby, male, at least one (1) year old, small size, house trained, friendly and gentle with people, short hair, mostly gray and hints of brown with black stripes, whitish stomach, white chin, pink nose, gray paws, green-yellow eyes, striped tale, neutered, not declawed, no ID microchip.

This is the most wonderful and beautiful cat I have ever met. He's gentle and loving with people, even when he's frisky and wants to play. He follows people around the house (especially me -- or at least he used to until we had to confine him to a separate area of the house to tame my allergic reactions). Someone really loved him as it shines through is personality. He lives off of affection, and loves his nose and the area between his eyes scratched. He almost always rubs his head on both hands so that he can get as much petting as possible. He loves laying on a person's lap or laying right beside them so that he has some body contact. When he's on our laps he'll either snuggle up on our chests or will bury his head in the crook of the arm for comfort. He doesn't mind having his paws touched and only squirmed a bit when we trimmed his claws. He loves playing with weeds, catching flies and spiders, and chasing a laser pointer. While the veterinarian recommended washing and brushing the cat daily to reduce dander in the hopes that we might be able to keep him and reduce my allergies, he absolutely HATES water and getting a bath. I dislike putting him through such trauma for my benefit, especially when it may be an ongoing battle with futility.

Lost Cat Found in Dearborn, MI (2)

He is the first cat I have ever met that willingly goes into a cat carrier. He even sleeps in it during the day and at night, and will hide in it for comfort after a bath. He understands the word "no" but usually only obeys when we clap our hands. He is very vocal and responds to our voices with word-like dialog. He loves sitting on the window sill and yearns to get behind any and every closed door in the house. My husband thinks he is a "porch cat" as he doesn't mind the outdoors but seems very reliant on people and unfamiliar with the terrain. If I wasn't so severely allergic to him I would definitely keep him as he is the perfect personification of everything I have wanted in a cat (both in personality and in appearance). He looked so cute and vulnerable when I first saw him on our porch so late at night, crying and talking to us through the screen door. Our hearts melted when he enthusiastically greeted my husband on the porch steps and immediately snuggled up to him by climbing onto my husband's lap. He wasn't afraid of us in the least bit and actually seemed to calm down once he knew we were nearby. The cat purred so easily and so much that night as he switched laps for maximum attention that we fell head over heals in love with him.

We haven't given him a name as we still believe we have a chance in finding his owner, but we have toyed with the idea. Since we now know he is not a female, we can't call him by the winning name of Dessa as it is a female name meaning "wanderer" in Greek. However, we might give him a similarly unique masculine name if another week elapses before we find his true home or a new family.

I know I will miss him when he leaves us for his original owner (or a new home), and I know it will be a thousand times harder for my husband to let him go as he has craved owning a pet for so longer after the deaths of his family's dogs and cat, but I feel it is in the cat's and my best interests to place him with someone else who can give him a good home and tons of love, and won't traumatize the cat with daily baths and confined quarters. I just want what's best for sweet little "kitty."

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This has been a very busy and eventful week for me and my family. I'll write more later when I'm not drugged up on Benedryl, but I'll note the highlights:

1. We took in a lost cat that was crying around our house late at night. This was eight days ago on a Saturday.
2. I am highly allergic to cats, but we insisted on keeping her him until we found her his owner. We did want to keep her him as she he was so perfect for us, right down to her his personality and appearance.
3. I reported the found cat to the local animal shelter (that we later learned misidentified his gender) and posted fliers in the hopes to reunite the cat with her his owner.
   
4. I started having intermittent breathing problems, a tight soar throat and eye irritation for most of the week.
5. My symptoms culminated to the point where my body was so stressed by the allergens that I went into anaphylaxis (aka anaphylactic shock) at work yesterday.
6. My father's girlfriend* (also my boss) was frantically asking me about my father while I was choking and wheezing with asthma like symptoms.
7. She confused my reaction as being overly emotional regarding the topic of my father. When she finally realized that I was having an allergic reaction to the cat she contacted my husband.
   
8. My husband immediately took me to the hospital from work. But not before my father's girlfriend continued to rant about my father. If I could have spoken I would have told her ENOUGH and that it wasn't an appropriate time.
9. On the way to the hospital, my husband called his mother to see if she could hang onto the cat for ONE DAY until we found an alternative caretaker so that I won't keep having allergic reactions. SHE REFUSED! Her reason being that she's already going to be taking care of her brother's cat in a few days and doesn't want to care for two cats, even though we emphasized that it would only be for a day.
   
10. I had another episode at the ER check-in desk, causing a male nurse to inform others that I was going into anaphylactic shock and needed immediate attention.
11. At least 6 people were working on me as soon as my body hit the gurney.
12. I was in the hospital under observation for 4.5 hours to ensure I was stable enough to leave and wouldn't have a relapse, which is quite common.
13. My husband spoke to his mother again during our trip home. She had TOTALLY forgotten that I was highly allergic to cats and all the other common allergens (dust mites, pollen, grass, trees, ragweed, mold, etc), despite the fact that I talk about it nearly every time I see her. She also kept asking my husband to reclarify what I specifically reacted to yesterday, and told us to just drop the cat off at the animal shelter (where they would most certainly euthanize her him due to overcrowding).
    
14. I'm now doped up on Benedryl (50mg every 3 hours), steriods (to keep my throat and air passageway open) and Pepcid (to prevent stomach problems from the Benedryl and anaphylaxis symptoms).
15. We are taking the cat to the vet Monday (where we learned that the cat is a neutered male).
    
16. We are trying to find an alternate home for her him since it doesn't look like we will find her his owner.

* My father has been avoiding his girlfriend for weeks, only speaking to her after my husband and I force him to speak to her. He is not comfortable dating her anymore as she is too highstrung, too bossy, makes plans that involve him without his approval, talks incessantly, doesn't allow him to speak much (even telling him to "shut up") and tells my father that he shouldn't be helping his kids (us) out financially even though it would mean that we lose our house to foreclosure [that's for another post]. His negligence has caused her to make one house call to confront him, as well as to call him at least 12 times per day, and to text message me and my husband on a near daily basis as a means to see what's going on with my father. She also talks and rants about my father and their estranged and complicated relationship all the time while I work with her. I have told her numerous times to keep me out of their business, but she doesn't listen. She says she will but continues to address this topic with me and my husband.

Lesson learned: people show their true colors in times of crisis. Right now, after what happened yesterday, I completely hate my mother-in-law and am so done dealing with my boss (my father's estranged girlfriend) that I am seriously considering quitting. I shouldn't have this much stress from a single person (well technically two people) just to hang onto a rudimentary, minimum wage, retail job. I've been under so much stress lately that I've had to double my antidepressant dosing and even missed a menstrual cycle. I am not pregnant (I was tested at the hospital), but this topic brings up another emotional situation that I will address later when I am ready.

By the way, if you live in the Detroit Metro area and would like a cat, please message me for details.

[Edited on June 3, 2008: We learned from the vet that the cat is male and neutered. (The animal shelter misidentified his gender.) We might be able to locate his owner through local animal clinics that may have performed the operation.]

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2008 Cherry Blossom Timelapse at Brooklyn Botanic Garden

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New Themes!

New Themes!

http://team.vox.com/library/post/new-...

Vox / Six Apart used some of my Design to Inspire banners for official themes! The lilacs design featured in the center and the minimalist aqua design to the right are my creations. I'm so excited and very happy to share them.

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I have had quite a few blog post topics circulating in my mind, but have not found the time nor the mental clarity to write them. I intend to publicize versions of my Design To Inspire banner creations to share with the Vox community for use with personalized Vox themes. I also want to discuss quite a few things that have been occurring in my life as of late, some of which were hinted at in my recent Tweets. I hope I find enough peace of mind to successfully formulate my ideas to a degree that would allow me to coherently transmit my thoughts and feelings to text. Maybe I will begin with my custom banners as that post will require the least amount of writing.

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Design to Inspire Contest: Lovely Lilacs

http://www.designtoinspirecontest.com...

This was inspired by a photograph of lilacs I captured at a historic landmark that is very dear to my heart on a delightfully warm, sunny day. The lilacs smelled wonderfully sweet and intoxicatingly uplifting.

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Here are my creations, thus far, for HP's current theme contest for Vox, Typepad and LiveJournal. I intend to submit additional themes/banners if more inspiration strikes.* I would appreciate if you vote for me (links provided below)! While you can vote only once per banner, you can, however, vote for more than one banner. Thank you!

Design to Inspire Contest: Aqua Rays

http://www.designtoinspirecontest.com...

My submission. Please VOTE for me! Contemporary rays of light in refreshing aqua tones with a scalloped edge that fades in progressive waves. Fun and minimalistic; suitable for personal and professional blogs.

Vote for Aqua Rays Theme!

Design to Inspire Contest: Rainbow Day

http://www.designtoinspirecontest.com...

My submission. Please VOTE for me! Soft, vector-like clouds and a daytime sky. A rainbow adds to its cheerfulness. (The clouds blend into a white content area.)

 Vote for Rainbow Day Theme!

Design to Inspire Contest: Sweet Dreams

http://www.designtoinspirecontest.com...

My submission. Please VOTE for me! Soft, vector-like clouds and a nighttime sky filled with stars. Dreamy colors serve as inspiration for the writer. (The clouds blend into a white content area.)

Vote for Sweet Dreams Theme!

* Edit 4/1/08: I created a fourth banner/design entitled Lovely Lilacs that is discussed here. You can vote for it here.)

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